Empty

So I need a release and I don't want to burden anyone with my problems so I'm just going to write them down and vent this way. I have a ton of really great family and friends but I just don't want them to feel awkward and not know what to say so here goes. On April 26th Pat and I found out we were pregnant and were super excited. We didn't tell anyone for 4 weeks and when we told we only told family. Well we had our 10 week appointment this past friday that we were both eagerly waiting. We were told we would hear the heartbeat and get blood work drawn. Well she tried to get the heartbeat from a hand held machine and could not find it. She thought that it was because my pelvis is tilted backwards so she sent us to ultrasound and the lady in there wasn't very pleasant. She couldn't find the heartbeat then found the baby and then asked me if I was sure about how far along I was. Helloo I'm 1000% positive of how far along we are. She thought we looked more like we were 6 weeks and not 10 weeks. She then did a few more things and told us she had to get with the midwife and she would be back to get us. Well she was back 5 minutes later and took us to see our midwife-meanwhile I'm upset because there is no way i'm only 6 weeks. While we were walking she asked me if I was ok. That should have sent off a red light but I wasn't thinking about that. We got into the room and the midwife came in with the worst look on her face and that's when I knew, we lost the baby. She said we were deffinatley pregnant at one time and then preceeded to say this was a form of a miscarriage and she did not know why it happened but it just does sometimes. I was/am devasted. I was so excited and ready to be a mom. The thing I hate the most about all of this is telling everyone I'm not pregnant anymore when they ask. I feel empty and alone. I know I have people that are there for me but nothing they can say makes this feeling go away. I wanted this so badly and to have it ripped away from me is a horrible feeling. I keep thinking what did I do to deserve this? What could I have done to prevent this? Am I being punished for something? You see all these girls out there having babies that don't want them and when someone actually does want one they can't. It just doesnt make any sense to me. I know that I can try again in a few months but it's not the same. I have to go back to that crummy office tomorrow and get everything scraped out of me so I can go back to normal since by body still thinks it's pregnant. THIS SUCKS. All i want to do is cry. I have a great husband but he seems to be taking this like any other day- it's not affecting him at all. He doesn't talk about it and when I try to it's like pulling teeth trying to get anything out of him. I guess I just expected something different from him. I want to know when I will go back to feeling like normal and If I ever will? Because right now nothing can help me.